The Adult "I Don't Know"

Separating in the mind the moment between
​the noticing
and the meaning making, 
There is the space of,
“I don’t know.”  

If I think about it,
this space is somewhat scary; plunging me
into the instability of a nebulous existence, no place to
anchor or stabilize or get me perspective from. 

​If I feel about it,
​

this space is absolutely quenching
surrender. 

And I don’t need a heightened experience to find this.
I don’t need an orgasm or a medicine journey or a kink scene. 
All I need is a moment. 

All I need is to dip my cup into the stream of ever flowing moments
at any time.
And then become porous, so the moments can keep passing through,
not getting swept into the folly of trying to catch any particular one. 
And then to feel the miraculous churning of
Now and Now and Now
that will never dry up.

I call this The Adult "I Don’t Know" because it’s a full circle
back to before we knew there was knowing.
Back before there was anything other than the wonder and curiosity. 

Back before we were supposed to know. 

Now, the I Don’t Know has the step of letting go of the oh so known.
The right or wrong that gives solace.
The fear that letting go of the right will make us wrong.
The belief that if there is no right it is all wrong. 

But what if it’s all right? 
ALL right. 
All right? 

The Adult I Don’t Know comes with so many things.
Vocabulary and reach and drivers licenses and money and
deadlines and jobs and phones and internet and credit cards and
broken hearts and rent and pets and children of our own and
history... so much history. 

So, when? When is it ok to be in the I Don’t Know? 

How about right now?
Just... for a moment.